Used to blog everything out to release the feelings..but abandoned the idea when everything is getting not real...It was a dream...a beautifully started dream..that ends with regrets and sorrows..two weeks had passed..yet I can't move on...perhaps I like her more than I realize..I also dunno why I fall for her so badly...maybe she is ordinary..tats why..LOL..I begged..I tried...when things turned bad..when I shouldnt have done all those damaging acts to her at the first place..lol..

I deeply regretted now...but is there a time machine...does it ever exist? It is pointless now..When she said shes no longer happy go lucky..I seriously felt sorry..but i was overwhelmed by my selfish thinking... Things cant be rushed.. I realized that...but...too late... I always think that I dun have much time left to go after her.. n seriously need to get it done before I fly to UK next year..I rushed..I controlled..to get results...I was way beyond her limits..n yet I cant think properly at that time..

I started it wrongly perhaps..I shouldnt commit to it..when she doesnt show any sign at all...or she did...but those signs..are telling me..to stop..eventually I learnt the truth..when she rejected me but yet I insisted to cont my ways..lol.. when she said..she is unsure of her feelings...I took it for granted..and aggregated my acts..

After all these, she changed..I felt the distance..even though we were just texting..but I sensed smtg has changed..Being told that shes bothered by her family prob..minor 1 though...but at the same time I was bugging him...

When I knew that, I felt that I'm a total bastard..she doesnt deserve this..she deserves better guy to complete her life...n not ruining her life..

I like her...to the extent..it became a problem for her...she shouldn't be treated this way.. I feel hurt..knowing that I'm hurting her all this while...jus bcos I'm selfish...

Mayb I'm not as decent as I thought..but I reli hope shes doing well..I should stop thinking about her...I promised to move on...sorry for the one last time...."sorry...."

She wil be celebrating her 21st end of this month,July...shall I wish her?? how?? If my text would remind her of all the pasts..I rather face the sky n wish her..then she wouldnt know..I did that..Happy 21st, NSY..

Another setback came right after..WORK...at first it was boring..everyday doing the the same routine..cheque sorting n typing numbers.but slowly..I attached to the job...at first it was money..den..the bonds created with the staffs there..colleagues r very chatty...good..etc.. but thing changed..when my agency..changed my working time...I requested to go in early...but gt rejected.. before that..the lady promised will give me more working hours..when there are new temp staffs joining...well..it happened..but only last for two weeks...now..knowing..the relatively newer temp staffs go in workplace earlier than my time...I felt the lady betrayed my TRUST...
n If I give in n go in workplace later, mum would have to fetch bro home from skol daily...and then straight away fetch me go work at house...although she doesnt complain much all the while...but its definitely tiring...Im driver...I understand..how tiring it is...

why m I a hokkien n speak hokkien and not canton.????WHy a? nw only realised its damn critical to hv gd command of canton to chalk up a good conversation wif a gal tht speaks canton...damn it....!! I can speak canton...hmm..nt literally...with d hokkien slang and mandarin slang mayb.weird canton I speak.lolz..wth..gt stuck jz nw in a stupid position...her highskol buddy,...to b precise..a guy who chased her b4...dropped his ass to d seat so swiftly as if It is the best seat in the cinema...lolz..damn tht guy wey...made me so envy n jealous...he chat so smoothly...wif luisan....wth...jz becoz u born in a cantonese speakin environment nia..dun tink u so can kayyyy??!! X)..i ws like transparent,sum anonymous guys sittin in between em..nt reli in between..bt close enuf to make me TL...damn it!! Damn myself,damn canton..lolz..I will speak canton one day as easy as I'm breathin air...CAnton,u better watch out..I'm coming!!!